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Just so you know   
02:06pm 23/06/2007
  The last post was a lie to help a friend in class.  
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A little Freelance SR Writing   
06:35pm 10/04/2007
  Ashley was born in San Antonio, Texas. She spent the first six years of her life in a quiet suburb, away from the inner city. On her sixth birthday, however, her parents were killed by a stray grenade in a shootout between the San Antonio police department and a cornered team of shadowrunners. She was placed in the care of her grandfather by social services, and lived for fifteen more years in Adair Village, Oregon. The streets again entered her life when she came home from a neighbor s home to find her grandfather had been murdered in cold blood. The authorities later captured the thieves, but from that point onward Ashley dedicated her life to stomping out greed and corruption wherever it presented herself. ~ Tell me what you think  
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Deck Of Many Problems   
02:44pm 21/06/2006
  The title was actually created due to the two major things that have happened in the last 24 hours: Tarot Card Readings and Not Waking Up For Work!. Seriously, this is the second day in a row where I should be getting up at seven and being at work by eight. Yet I find myself awake at 8:45 and doing a mad dash with pants unzipped and a shirt ruffled overtop of me down towards Nicary. This is a disturbing sight for all eating breakfast at the Jay's Nest as it looks like the Special Olympics has started doing the 50 meter dash right down Baugher Ave. Oh well, I will get up or it will kill me (rather I will lose my job).

In other news, I was up last night giving Tarot readings as you might have read in a previous statement. In the end it was for five people: Kat, Katie, Mary, Scott, and Catherine. It was actually six readings becuase Catherine got a little picky and wanted to re-word her question. Something I don't normally allow for but I let it slide. Its fun to see how people react depending on what they believe. I mean, you have the ones who think it is all for real, some who sort of believe, some who are trying to understand, and those who think I am a complete bullshitter. And then I get the ever wonderful question of, 'what do you believe?' Heh, not going to lie, it is not my favorite question to answer becuase it affects how people percieve me in the readings. If you think I am a bullshitter then it becomes harder to listen to me when I say I truly believe in everything I say. If you believe it is real why would you listen to a guy who says he is making it all up on the spot? Oh well.

Once I get back to the room after work today it is time to level up my character on EVE and then get to writing. I have some pretty cool ideas, I think atleast, and so I really want to put them down. The only issue that stands is time and patience. One, there is never enough time, and two I don't have the patience to look over things twice and correct my writing. There has always been only one draft for me. I guess that is something that will have to change in the coming years with becoming an author, raising my grades, and publishing respectable theories on philosophy.

Alright - time to head out it seems.
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A certainty that leads to boredom   
10:48am 20/06/2006
  Well, the constant work day seems to be getting at me a little bit these past few weeks. It is not that I do not love my job nor the money it supplies me with - it is just the same thing. I am a fan of change, of shifting thoughts and different requirements. I think teaching will be fun because I will always have a new batch of students to teach, new minds who haven't learned what I know and I have to learn new ways to express my knowledge. Heh, I digress... Normally work is not bad, but lately - mainly with Ed gone - I am left in the office alone in boredom. No one to talk to and nothing to do.

If that wasn't enough the other groups working on campus have a habit of making me mad. It is not all of them, far from it, but some from every group just prove that there are no requirements to getting a job here on campus. They can be lazy, rude, and just downright stupid at times. They are inconsiderate of the fact that other people need to work and are trying to get their job done and they don't think that their laziness affects everything.

Other than that, life is good I guess. I mean, working towards a new computer and getting closer every week. I have picked up modeling miniature figures for my DnD campaigns... it is sort of calming, kinda like when I write. I also picked up EVE again, another video game to take away the hours of my dull life. Oh well, I can't wait for the school year to get here. Sure, I bitch, but to be honest I love school. I love learning and I love the day to day rush. Now just to work on those grades...
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The long road behind   
06:55am 27/03/2006
  For those of you whose friend's list I am on this is quite a shock for you I am sure. It has been quite some time since I have posted. To be honest a lot and nothing have happened. There is a certain chaos to standing still it seems.

What to talk about?

Well, the only thing that really comes to mind right now is the path of philosophy I have choosen. I heard it would be difficult, and I knew from the begining the snickers of all those around me - but this choice is taking its toll on me. My future lies in luck and skill - hopefully I have a little bit of both. Getting into Grad school alone for my Doctorite will be hard since my grads are nowhere near what people want and E-Town doesn't put out alot of Philosophers so our department isn't that impressive for other schools. Oh well, I will just have to find another way to impress them.

Who knows, maybe I will write more often in this... possibly as things come up so my memory is more clear on what to write. Hmph, oh well, back to the day.
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I came before a tree and in that moment learned more in silent beauty than from the noisey ignorance   
06:38pm 03/11/2005
  "[Quoting Henry David Thoreau]
Neil: I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life... to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." - Dead Poets Society

My grades have been hitting the fan lately. I don't know why - I know the stuff I am writing and I feel like I aced it... but when the grades come back they seem to prove I know nothing. Perhaps I have gained the ignorance I feared for so long... Oh Socrates remind me I know nothing so that I can begin to learn.

Carpe Diem as they say, 'Seize the Day'. A phrase that struck me hard as I watched Dead Poets Society in Philosophy of Film and Lit yesterday. I have not been seizing much of my life lately. I am all ambitions, no zeal - no drive to move towards my dreams. Is that not always the case?

"I don't wanna live like my mother/I don't want to let fear rule my life/I don't wanna live like my father/I don't wanna give up before I die/" ~ Silhouettes - Smile Empty Soul

I need to push through this - I need to work hard. No... I do not 'need'... but 'want'. I strive to know and I love to learn... I have not been happy because I am not trying any more. Enough of that - it is time to step up and seize the day.
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A breeze long since forgotten   
10:02pm 03/10/2005
  The cool air rushes through the trees as the moon looks upon the ground in her full grace. She watches as the leaves are all turned, all affected by the whispering wind and then suddenly stop. The wind, on the other hand, never stops. It continues to move quickly through the woods, bouncing from stone to wood trying to find its new home.

'Why does it never stop rushing? Why can it not settle in one place and fill it with its motion?' The moon asks herself these questions as she watches the unrelenting motions of the wind. Through sand and stone, earth and air, the wind will always move. Blindly, quickly, it will rush and never stop. The moon sighs wishing the wind could find peace and stop leaving only a fleeting memory behind.

I am here.
I am gone.
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Roll with them...   
12:45am 01/09/2005
  Here we go!

Well, all I can say is I love college. Granted life is rough, but at least I am living it. First and foremost, living with Bryon is awesome. Not only is he an awesome person, but together we have so much fun! It's really cool hanging out with him and his girlfriend Anne, though I have to admit this does remind me at times of my lacking love life.

Classes are fun as hell. I mean, to be perfectly honest they will be hard and demanding, but I love all of them. Ethics has Matteo, who is just a wonderful teacher that can keep my attention. Philosophy of Film and Lit is nice becuase it delves deep into the common things we see and expells a lot of thought from them. Old English and Latin will just be great. Now, I am worried about Neuromythology. Of all my classes it will be the most demeanding, but honestly it will be one of the most intriging classes as well.

Work is a little difficult. I had to tell ITS to drop me down to seven hours a week today becuase I am working 13 as a SPO. 20 hours a week, the majority of which is spent at night kind of kills the social life. It's ok though, I have to do it for the money and it is a fun job.

As for Mad Cow... Well, I am currently highly displeased with Severide. Head of the Theatre, this man has found anger in his heart towards me for quiting his play. So much anger in fact that he has decided to pull everyone he can against me and the Cows for my actions. The current ruling is that I stand down from one show IF I make it back into Mad Cow. If it is what it will take to make everyone happy and to keep myself doing Improv then I will gladly bow down before that man... But do not think I will just stare at those tired out worn shoes of his... no... While I am down there I will only think of ways to make the Cows come out even better than before.

Well, now my roommate is trying to sleep and I need to get up early in the morning so I shall too.
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02:25am 21/08/2005
  Well, my last day at work was a little sad. Chris did not want me to leave, I understand her fear... The people who once worked with her to keep her sane have all left - leaving her with the encyclopedia of useless star wars knowledge.

In other news, Hung out with Natalie, Mark, Greg, Katie, and Will this evening. It was nice to get the group together, though it really gets hard on me when no one wants to decide what to do. I always feel like I am trying to get people together but no one ever wants to choose how to spend their time... then I get worried that people are not having fun... Oh well, I thought we had a blast.

Actually, I realized today how long it has been since I did anything with Natalie. She's awesome to hang out with... Its just now that I don't work anywhere near her I had no chance to just stop by and say hi like I do all my other friends. Oh well, since I am going back to school that won't be a problem.

Alright, time to sleep before I head back to college...
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04:11am 20/08/2005
  List five songs that you are currently digging. It doesn't matter what order they are in, genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your five songs. Then, tag five other people to see what they're listening to.

Papa Roach - Scars

Gorrilaz - Feel Good Inc.

System of a Down - Question

Fall Out Boy - Going Down Swinging

GreenDay - When September Ends

(oh, and the whole Aria CD, just plain beautiful!)

As for who I am tagging... I don't have enough friends to tag who hasn't been tagged...
Damn the Surveys!   
05:36pm 19/08/2005
  1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.
my answersCollapse )
05:44am 19/08/2005
  Wow, so in a debate with a friend I feel invigorated! To be honest, I think I stumbled upon a theory I have never heard of in philosophy and psychology... I sent it into my Prof. at college and I hope to hear back from him soon. One of two things will happen from here: It is already a theory and I am once again learning the philosophies of everyone else on my own... or has not been thought up in open form and I will actually have something worth publishing. That's right - if no one has gone with this idea yet then I am putting it in every magazine I know and then some! Of course, there are a lot of people out there... I am sure someone has said it before. Let us just see where it goes! I will update everyone later tonight on the situation hopefully!!!  
02:25pm 17/08/2005
  woohoo! Well, last night the high school group got back together! Ryan, Greg, Kristen and I all got together and remembered the past and looked towards the future. Of course, we did this while driving around the various cities and causing a lot of trouble. In our endevours to frighten ourselves we watched Hide and Seek, highly disapointing. It was a cool movie, but not scary... Though Kristen and Greg's sister Erica were screaming like there was a monster attacking them. We bought so much food too! We wanted to go out to eat but decided we didn't have any money... so we went to the store and bought enough food to last a week. I am still trying to figure out how we did not have enough food to go out and eat... Oh well, all in all an excellent night and I am going to miss them when we go back to college. Of course, they all are coming to visit me so it will b great.  
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A blind man's Bluff   
07:34pm 14/08/2005
  So, the day has finally arrived where I have decided to cave in and write my favorite work. Some of you might be asking yourself,

"But BoB, why have you not written this before if it is your favorite?"

Well, the reason is that I never felt I could do my writing justice. To be perfectly honest this is my greatest dream and nightmare in my work and I want it to be the best. The only problem is, when I write other things this is always in the back of my mind. So I decided I will just write it now and rework it into perfection over the years. This nagging beast must be fed.

So soon you will be seeing excerpts from the writings for two reason:
One, I just want to see how it sounds and whether or not I it is interesting.
The second is becuase this will be my first venture into a scifi style so I am going to need some pointers. I don't think 'the cool flashy gun' is a nice description. If anyone knows a great Scifi writer as well that I can read up on, I would appreciate it greatly.
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01:05am 13/08/2005
  I would just like to say right now that Dracula 2000 is one of the greatest bad movies I have ever seen. It is so hard not to laugh as you see the mixture of past and present in this rendition of Van Helsing and the hunt for an unkillable monster. Either way, after staying up all night and watching it and then having an seven hour work day... I think I finally breached my limits of sanity and transcended into the realm of... well they don't have a name for it... HUSH!  
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To my mother.   
03:20am 12/08/2005
  Mom, even though you will never read this... I have to say it. I love you, but you drive me crazy! I guess your greatest fear came true, I have too much of my father's blood in me. I resemble him too much and you resent that don't you. I can't help that I think differently, feel differently, pursue my life with different dreams and goals. It does not mean you have to look at me as some kind of spiteful child, as if I am leaving your memory behind. But you don't see that - you just see him. You just see someone else... and all the wonderful things you have done for me - you still feel so seperated from me. Closing the gap only seems to bring you closer to the side of me that is him, and that only breaks it back open. Oh what a tangled mess I have become for my family.

Oh well, I am slowly begining my plan to move myself out. I figure I will make enough money this year to keep myself in college through the summer and continue send money home to my mother. If I can figure out money and everything I might find that getting a couple of friends together and living in an apartment might be a better idea. But that is all in the future, of course... It is time I begin to plan for the future.

*sighs* the choices are coming quickly, I have to stand firm in my decisions... That is what makes people great... Conviction...
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*sighs* How many things do I have to break to get you to notice me...   
05:55pm 11/08/2005
  I am such a child sometimes...

This afternoon, after feeling tottally broken with everything that is going on around me I lashed out. One might have said that it was pure isanity, that it was a whim of emotions. That might have been when I just through my pillows against the walls in shear anger. But I noticed how my mother just sat there... I pushed the fridge hard against the wall... I slammed my fist against tables and tossed books across the rooms. All I wanted to see was a reaction... I just wanted to see her try and stop me, ask me why I was doing these things. I wanted to know that she was thinking of me and not herself. But she just sat there, and then left the house all pissed off... Of course I can understand this... I am a horrible child and a horrible person. I hate everything about myself more and more... What does it matter, writing in this damned journal to express myself. To what end, to show everyone out there a side of me I try to hide. Heh, what can I say... I don't fucking care any more. Let the world know what a bastard of a person I am. I'm tired of hiding back just to see people smile and not look down upon me.

I am who I am... and you don't like that...

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03:18pm 11/08/2005
  I LIVE!!!  
09:52pm 06/08/2005
  "Do you bury me when I’m gone
Do you teach me while I’m here
...just as soon as I belong, then it’s time I disappear" ~ Metallica - Disappear

With those words I shall say my farewell for a bit. I do not know exactly what is going to happen, I just know I am going to disappear for a couple of days. A sort of retreat one might say. Don't worry, I am sure I will return - some day. I just need to step away from the world and find myself. Goodnight...
10:35pm 24/07/2005
  It takes a few moments before the man to feel the rain beating down on his back through his trench coat. Opening his eyes he places his hands firmly on the ground to lift himself. The rain adds more weight against his body and his arms give out causing him to fall back into the puddle. His nose is submerged in the flooding and in a moment of weakness the man decides to take a deep breath. Wishing it would be a catalyst to his death the man is lowered even more when all it does is cause him to cough violently.

Suddenly splashes can be heard as feet are rushing towards the man. Mustering a little strength he roles himself over to look up, the man sees another standing above him. It is took dark to make out the person's face, but his silhouette is think with long spiked hair. As the person leans down closer the man sees it is another male near his age.

~What will you do~ plagues the man's mind as the stranger starts to pick him up. Quickly, overrun by anger, the man swings his fist up knocking the other in the jaw. The stranger with spiked hair falls back into the water as the man stands fueled by hatred. A few kicks from the man turns the water red with the strangers blood. The man grunts slightly and walks out of the alleyway.

`The End`
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